hey!:) my name is Monica, I’m 14 years old and I’m from Illinois. when I first heard one time in 2009, I honestly didn’t imagine that 3 years after that he would be such a big part of my life. Justin’s music helps me get away. It’s an escape from the crazy world I live in. I’m very insecure and… When I listen to his music I feel happy, good, beautiful even. when I hear his story it gives me hope, That everything will turn out just fine. My family goes through phases. Good ones and bad ones. You might be thinking don’t all? But no. My dad is an alcoholic. He has been since before i was born, since he was a young teen. He goes through calm phases when there’s just a beer or two then there’s the ones where he goes crazy to an extreme. He’s my dad and I wouldn’t trade him for the world but it’s hard not knowing if he’s going to come home drunk or sober. Every time i open the door for him when he comes home I listen for the slur of speech and smell of beer. It’s crazy I know but if I know he’s drunk then I can know what to expect. When he’s drunk there’s usually a lot of arguing, no they don’t like physically fight but the yelling is endless. You may think: a little yelling, anyone can handle that. But no… This isn’t a little. There is slamming of doors, and everything. The doors slam to a point where I can feel my bed shake. Usually after an episode my dad leaves. And sometimes that means drunk driving. It’s so careless. I know. I wish I could chain him down to stop him from going away because when he leaves I don’t hear from him at all. A year ago our family had an “episode” a week before my birthday. He left. Didn’t come home for two weeks. He didn’t even bother to call to wish me a happy birthday or to see if we were fine. Nothing. It hurt. I cut that night. I felt so unwanted. So alone. It was the summer so all my friends where gone. I didn’t want to seem upset because I’m not the person that shows there feelings. I feel like if i tell someone my feelings I’m bombarding them with my problems. That’s the last thing I want to do. So they come out at random moments. I cry for the littlest things at school sometimes. I know. Im such a wimp. But its hard if you’ve kept a brave face for so long and then someone tries to tear you down. It’ll work. Real easy. Im not saying that I’ll cry if you say Something like: I’m fat. Or ugly. But I will eventually cry if you repeatedly remind me. Every fucking day. Because it has happened. To a point where I start believing those words. Justin’s music though. It helps. I feel like someone’s there for me when no one else is. He helps me through the nights of the yelling when I just cry myself to sleep to be able to put on a brave face in the morning. I can’t say I’ve never cut, tried starving myself, or had suicidal thoughts because i have. I know, tons of other people might have it worse than me but it’s hard to keep that in mind while your feeling so alone. Sometimes i feel like everyone is out having fun while I’m to scared to leave my house afraid that another “episode” might happen and i wont be there to comfort my sister. Sometimes I feel like running away. I’ve tried to but i would never want to cause that pain to my mom. Earlier this year. One of my classmates passed. i didnt really talk to her. But when i did she always made me smile. I wouldn’t say she was a really good friend of mine. But she was in my life enough to a point where her passing did affect me. She was there for me and comforted me one time when i was in the bathroom crying because of bullying. She was the happiest, and most athletic person i’ve ever met. And i miss her so much. The day we found out the news i didn’t sleep. I spent the night crying “with justin” you could say. Because his music was all i played.